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Death and Guilt
Anyone who has lost someone close to them understands the wide range of emotions that accompany that loss. Articles are written all the time that list the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. There is, however, a stage of grief that is not listed... Guilt. People feel guilt associated with death for many reasons. Unkept promises, debt not paid, harsh words, the list goes on. Sometimes people will get wrapped up in the grief they feel, and actually look for reasons to feel guilty. Sometimes the guilt may even be justifiable, but that just makes it harder to bear. Perhaps the worst type of death associated guilt comes from caring for someone with an extended illness. A man may take care of his sick wife for years before she dies, or a mother acting as a nurse for a child. When that person dies, a terrible burden is lifted from the caregiver. All of the cleaning, and the medicine, the bedside vigils, gone in an instant and, through the tears, the caregiver experiences the most guilt producing feeling of all, relief. These feelings of relief after months or years of taking care of a person, can make the caregiver feel unworthy of the love they shared. This type of guilt can be dangerous as it affects, in many cases, the elderly. I have seen more than one instance where someone locks themselves in a room and quietly waits for his or her own death out of guilt. One way to help a person who is experiencing this type of guilt, is to express your own feelings. It could mean a world of difference to someone if a son or daughter, sister or brother, tells the guilt ridden person that they understand, and that it's normal. Talk to them and let them know you care. Who knows, maybe a simple and sincere hug can save someone from a lifetime of self inflicted pain. |
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Guilt from being the one to "survive" is another one that I've seen. Something people need to be aware of for sure.
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This intel was contributed by Roy Dixon
Roy Dixon
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May, 2012
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